Sensitive and Stubborn

Last night we were getting the kids ready for bed and as always Jaiden and Carter were fighting over the main bathroom. Of course we have 2 other bathrooms to use but it is tradition to fight over getting to the main bathroom first. Jaiden comes running out of the bathroom to the kitchen with Carter on her heels. She starts to tell us something and Carter covers her mouth. She moves his hand and proceeds to tell us that Carter peed in the garbage can. Of course Carter immediately denies it and starts to cry and runs to his room.

In the past we have usually given Carter the benefit of doubt but we have found he doesn't hesitate to lie but when he does lie he gets extremely upset and is inconsolable. Of course we knew he was lying when we found him hiding under the bed. Jason tried to take him aside and asked him again if he peed in the garbage can. He adamantly denied it and kept saying I promise even though he was crying uncontrollably. We had him join us for family prayer where we asked for help in "choosing the right" and "making good decisions". He seemed to calm down after the prayer so we asked again how pee got in the garbage can. The inconsolable tears started again and the denying continued. We sent him to timeout while we put Madison and Jaiden to bed. While Jason was tucking in Jaiden she confessed to telling Carter to pee in the garbage can. Jason explained that she should have told us that at the beginning and taken part of the blame. She cried a little and felt bad.

We went and tried to talk to Carter about Jaiden's confession and told him she was to blame also and that he was only in trouble for lying. He just screamed and cried and told us to leave him alone. We kept checking on him and told him to come find us when he was ready to talk. An hour later (about 10pm) he came to me and said he was ready. I sat with him and asked if he peed in the garbage can. He cried a little and answered, "yes." I told him he lied and that the reason he felt so sad is because he knew it was wrong. I told him he needed to tell Daddy that he lied and was sorry. The sensitive little guy lost it - he just kept saying, "that is toooo hard, I can't." I felt bad for him because he was so upset thinking about admitting to his dad that he lied. I knew I had to follow through and told him I it was going to be hard but he needed to do it and I would be with him. I carried him downstairs and we sat next to Jason waiting for Carter to admit. Carter's stubbornness is strong and he would not look at Jason. We waited about 20 minutes before leaving him again in the basement to think it through. We told him to find us when he was ready to talk to his dad. (10:25 pm) We started getting ready for bed and were talking when Carter came into our room and stood next to Jason. Carter still didn't admit to lying but did say sorry and Jason asked what he was sorry for? His lip was quivering and he just started to cry again. My heart broke to see him in such turmoil trying to admit and apologise to his dad. Finally Jason helped him out by saying, "are you sorry for lying?" Carter nodded his head and the uncontrollable tears came on in full force. Jason just told him he was forgiven and to remember not to lie - just tell the truth. Even if you lie at first just come back and tell the truth. (Finally put Carter to bed at 10:50pm)

Jason and I kept our calm through the whole episode. We never have to really get upset with Carter because he is so sensitive when he knows he did something wrong. I am not sure what to do with him because I went through this exact scenario a few weeks earlier for throwing rocks in the window well - luckily in the afternoon not at bedtime. I thought he got the message about lying and feeling bad about it but obviously he hasn't learned his lesson yet.

Any suggestions regarding our sensitive yet stubborn guy?